He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
