So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
