Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
