marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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