Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
