Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
