I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
nutella sex= disaster
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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