Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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