Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
