I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
