Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm too high and old for this...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
