The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
