fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm having to shit out rocks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
