I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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