I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
