Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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