I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
