I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
