So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
