No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
