Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i will never coherently bang her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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