i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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