i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
