just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
