My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
