my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if only i could text you this smell
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
