I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
