he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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