How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
