I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
