Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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