he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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