Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
