Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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