so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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