I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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