Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
