grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
