If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
