if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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