I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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