I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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