im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think my mom watched the whole time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
