I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
