I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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