At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
