Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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