i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
