Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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