Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
