Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
